My Sartorial Distraction

 I think a lot about what to wear. Enough so that it stymies me sometimes. How can someone who is fortunate enough to have a (shallow) walk-in closet full of dresses, skirts, and cute tops, as well as a dresser with pants and more shirts, feel like she has nothing to wear?

I mentioned in another post that sometimes I have a problem when there are too many choices, and this is no exception. But this inability to decide (which I hate for many reasons, but most of all because it reinforces a stereotype that women just can't decide what to wear) is compounded by the fact that I've recently realized that I have an image I'd like to project, and I'm not sure whether or not I'm actually getting there.

What better image for a "professional theatre geek" than a "sexy librarian?" I've got the glasses, I've got the curves, I've got at least three pencil skirts, many more cute A-lines, and plenty of cardigans. So, what's the problem?

Good question. I mean, I know there is one, I'm just not sure what it is.

I work in a "business casual" environment, which is a phrase, I realize, fraught with potential misunderstanding. I like to say that you can tell which department someone works in by what they're wearing: Marketing tends to be pretty casual; Development tends toward the formal, more traditional work wear. And Education? We're a veritable grab-bag. When we're teaching, we're scrubby (which means no skirts on Thursdays for me, lest I have to sit criss-cross-apple-sauce). When we have to meet with potential funders, we're a bit more dressed up. And the rest of the time, our choice of office wear is completely up in the air. "They" say to take your fashion cues from your boss--well, mine wears man-pris with dragons printed on them.

I try to trend towards the cute, slightly-dressy and slightly-funky, with a side of "sexy librarian," and I think I'm pretty successful. But of course, I have many days where I'm just not sure if I look good or not. My new rule is to never leave the apartment with the question "does this look OK?" in my head. The answer has to be "yes." And I'm working on ways to only own clothing that works with my aesthetic ('cause I guess I have one) and not spend a ton of money ('cause I don't have a whole lot). I recognize what my body type is; I recognize what types of clothes look best on me; and my mom taught me how to shop. :)

But I find myself thinking about this topic more and more frequently as I freelance and talk at Career Days. Every table read, every first rehearsal, is an opportunity to meet new people and make a first impression. And so every time I have one of these experiences, I feel the need to dress "perfectly," even though I know there's no such thing, and give off the right impression. Sheesh!

So, I wrote a song about it.

OK, to be fair, I took a song that already existed and wrote new lyrics. After the jump, I bring you..."My Sartorial Distraction," based on the song "My Unfortunate Erection" from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, written by William Finn and Rachel Sheinkin.

"My Sartorial Distraction"

(To be sung to the tune of "My Unfortunate Erection, or just enjoyed as a poem.)

It’s my condition       
That the grown-up feminist theatre geek   
Has an ambition
Towards fashionable cognition.
You can believe in equality
But still like lipstick and to look pretty.

Anyone for Audrey?
Anyone for Joan Holloway?
Anyone for the Vargas Girl?
The look’s not dated.
Some curves and glasses can’t be
Overrated.
But I can’t decide—
I stand at my closet,
My eyes open wide…

My sartorial distraction
Is enacting my inaction.
It is my recollection
That everything I once wore
I wore imperfectly.
Why not just throw on a T-shirt?
Because of
“Business casual?”
What the hell does that mean? That’s no dress code!   
The choices could make a girl’s head explode.

My trend to fashion interruptus
Does it stem from the fear that others one-upped us?
Why not wear a pencil skirt?
Delicious and appropriate.
Just can’t wear a button-down?
Buttons pop.
I could just be the sexy librarian,
If my head weren’t so goddamn contrarian.

Distraction
Distraction
My sartorial distraction
Whoa
It’s ruining my life
It’s ruining my world
It’s ruining my
Ruining
Ruining
Ruining my life
My life

Adulthood brings social interaction
But talking fashion leads to chain
Reaction
I can’t dress to satisfaction
All because of my sartorial
Distraction
Oh God!