Metro, O Metro

Photo courtesy seathogs.comhttp://seathogs.com.

There's been a lot of talk about Sunday's Post article about seat hogs in the DC Metro system. Most of the buzz centers around one question: "what is a seat hog? Because I'm not one. I swear, I'm not one. If I'm taking up a ton of room, it's for a good reason. I swear! So, what's a seat hog?"

Here's the thing (in my opinion): if you're taking up more than one seat and are unresponsive to requests for the spare seat, you might be a seat hog. This does not include people who are sitting on the aisle because their stop is coming up soon. This does not include people who are overweight and "spill over"--not my terminology--into another seat. (Side note: I'm stymied by the number of people who took this as their opportunity to rail against larger people who take public transportation. Some of the complaints are pretty sizeist and despicable.) This does not include people who are sitting in designated seats, but do not have a visible disability.

What does this include? Certainly the dude who rode my bus a couple of weeks ago, sitting on the aisle seat with his bag next to him, who mumbled something unintelligible that sounded like "um, nuh-uh, sorry but no" whenever someone asked him to scoot over...And then made way for his friend who got on several stops later. This was while many of us were standing up. He might be a seat hog.

Probably the woman who was sleeping next to me on the way home this afternoon, who was spilling over into my seat for two reasons. One: she was sleeping and kept brushing up against my arm. Two: she had her cloth portfolio (small briefcase?) shoved in between herself and the wall of the bus, causing her to spill over an inch or two into my seat. She might be a seat hog.

Absolutely the people who put their earbuds in, turn their music up so I can hear it as if I were playing the music myself, and spread their legs defiantly, taking up two seats and non-verbally daring someone to ask for a seat. They might be seat hogs.

Also: tourists. I don't know what the solution is to traveling with large suitcases, and I might be guilty of this myself on the way in or out of town. But the solution is probably not to pile your luggage into the seat next to you. Or, worse, put your bag in front of the seat next to you, so the empty chair taunts the people who are standing and holding tenuously onto the pole. They might be seat hogs, too.

Not seat hogs, but equally annoying include:

1. The dude who stood way too close to me on the bus on Monday. I was sitting, and he shoved himself, standing, into my space so close I was almost uncomfortable enough to ask him to move. I realize he was getting himself out of the way so other people could board, but seriously, dude, just move back instead of standing on top of me. Not a seat hog because he was technically standing, though he was very nearly hogging my seat.
2. People who talk way too loudly to other riders who are very close to them. Most recent offenders: three off-duty Metro employees--maybe other bus drivers--who were practically yelling so loud I couldn't hear the podcast I was listening to. At 7:00 in the morning.
3. People who don't have the balls to ask for a seat, but passive-aggressively glare at the person next to an empty seat. By and large, if you ask, someone will shove over. And if not...They might be a seat hog.

Fin.